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Wednesday 30 November 2016

Solo

I could so easily be nowhere
Just by losing you
I could for certain be at a loss
Without a purpose, or a point of view
For anyone to notice

I hold this fear, guard it
Prevent its visibility
Denying the vulnerability
Appearing strong, confident even
Not tearful, no, not tearful at all

We will meet that day
And I know you fear that too
You express the thought
With clarity, with lucidity
Soft skin, warm skin

Understand I shout
I want more to understand
I want less to understand
Lay by me, hold onto me
Take my loss; give me purpose


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Tuesday 29 November 2016

Name Dropping

A night
Stuffed full of
Hughes, and Harrison, and Armitage

The first one being named after my first wife's cousin
The second one being my current partner's married name
The last one being my house name at Penistone Grammar

Names that have formed me
Names that have forged me
Names that have forced me
To tell you my name

Yet you see it isn't my name; no
It is my father's name, also my brothers use it too
But I prefer my mother's maiden name

Her father's name
My grandfather's name
Kaye, Arthur Kaye; yes, that is my preferred lineage


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Monday 28 November 2016

Missing The Mark

I was with an old employer, there were three or four of us, sat in a room, I was being told how the business functioned, specifically how sales and marketing worked.

It was classroom stuff, textbook theory, then they showed me a poster, which they had been working on; they were clearly excited about it, they were looking forward to launching it at a weekend soirée.

The poster was A3 size, or slightly larger, it had an urban street scene, with housing, and street lighting for background; the foreground was laid out, in grid formation, with the companies industrial products.

Above the grid was a white area, with quite a lot of large font text, which on reading I took to be from a novel, nothing at all to do with the work as far as I could see, although I did not read the text to the end.

I made one or two half-critical remarks, dampeners you might say, but we moved on; thousands were to be printed, everyone and anyone should have one, they were very excited, you will be able to make the weekend won't you Christopher, one of them asked.


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Sunday 27 November 2016

Last Leg

Apprehension, or
Hypertension
Will you be at home

Comprehension, or
Detention
Will you be at home

We have been apart
More than since our start
Will you be at home

Horse before the cart
Head to rule the heart
Will you be at home

Beginning to smile
Down the last mile
Will you be at home

All the while
Without an ounce of guile
Will you be at home


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Saturday 26 November 2016

Instant Hits

It was dark on the dual-carriageway
That
I am alone in my car
I am on my own now
I am on my way home
To watch From Darkness on TV
That, loss is as loss is, kind of dark

It was dark on the country road
That
I can easily count
The eight red lights
On the television transmission mast
Stood tall, in a vertical column
That, clear is as clear is, kind of dark

It was dark on the house drive-way
That
There is no one at home
The doors are closed
The windows are bolted
Unwarranted access kept at bay
That, longing is as longing is, kind of dark


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Friday 25 November 2016

Friday

In your absence
I go to the supermarket
Jop fancies 'Full English' for breakfast

I bump into Roz
She is looking for aubergines
You would have talked to her for longer

I forget the sausages
But, and you might be surprised
I bought strawberries and cream

If I should further describe this space
Would I talk of the smiles
As seen in the cathedral


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Thursday 24 November 2016

Foot-Path

She likes a cause
You, you don't get too het up

This time it's making the town
A car free zone

All this because
She had to step into the road

To let a motobility scooter
Scoot by

Her first post, on Street Life

It was the hit of the week


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Wednesday 23 November 2016

Flambe

I was with my two brothers, we were in a 'all you can eat for ten dollars' American diner.

We were sat downstairs, but the food and drinks were served over three floors, so we had a lot of stairs to climb up, and down.

On the top floor there was a long open wall, with clear views to the sky beyond.

There were three jet-black clouds, like bulbous distorted giant balloons, filled with cephalopod excrement, as though the Rorschach ink blots had all at once come to life.

My younger brother said he couldn't drink, not in his condition.


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Tuesday 22 November 2016

Apart

To walk and breathe
To believe in love
Same as it ever was

In the time it takes to leave
To the grief of morning
Before the world began

Down the drove road
Over the railway crossing
A family gathered

To hope for relief
However brief and fleeting
In the silence, in the meeting

Forgive, forget, retrieve
Once more to receive their love
Before the end of time


For Nathan & Sian


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Monday 21 November 2016

Timing

Would I catch the train
I was gathering things off the floor outside my hotel room
They were mixed up, with an older ladies possessions
It was 9:05, the train departed at 9:25

I had been to the station earlier
But I realised I had left my luggage behind
I was wandering about the station
Trying to find the Northbound platform

Back at the hotel it seemed as though my room had moved
Although earlier in the week
I had to ask for directions to room 516; it was a big hotel
The Grand, or similar; at the seaside, maybe Brighton

I don't know what I had been doing there
I don't really know of anyone else featuring in the dream
That is other than the old lady
Whose clothes, were completely mixed up with mine


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Sunday 20 November 2016

Vacate

Do you know how good it feels
To have this day off from work
To sit at the breakfast table without a care

To look out
Onto the still and settled
Trees of Autumn

Faintly wetted
By the drops of morning dew
Gathered from the light mist

Last night you spoke of rising early
To capture the cloud covered valleys
With protruding treetops

Those words chosen, and spoken
On our way to see our friends Kinfolk play
Their music, at the White Hart in Tetford

We drove past the Youth Hostel at Woody's Top
That was the venue for a writers retreat, a few years ago
It is hazy now, the good memories are almost a dream



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Saturday 19 November 2016

Two Packs For Two Pounds

The last one was a Turkish delight
This one is a caramel, such is the chance life
With sale goods, and pre-packed lucky dips

You might have been disappointed
With marzipan, or fruit and nut
But I was ok

Although I must be honest
And tell you that I prefer milk chocolate
But they are in the other pack

And, as of late, in this part of my life
I have been promoting delayed gratification
With a fervour bordering on religion


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Friday 18 November 2016

St Ives 2005

Months away from the azure
From the lure of the sea
Months away from the spray
The perfume of you to me

Stepping in to shallow waters
To belly board on our knees
In a June of an English summer
The time for doubts to cease

Days there were very lonely
And the nights entirely free
Yet I look back now with love
For it was I, becoming me

Stepping in to the stylish café
Driftwood on shoreline breeze
To the tune of one and another
A life not set, yet o so to increase


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Thursday 17 November 2016

MAPA

He failed
As I’ve failed
To write out the past

He tried
As I’ve tried
Not to use her name

He talked
As I’ve talked
Of the endless longing

He went
As I went
In search of himself

He returned
As I’ve returned
As if as the same man

We both have companions
True love by our sides
Yet still our ego’s battle on

He was
As I was
Unceremoniously dumped

He sort of remembered
As I sort of remember
A steamy passionate affair

He revisited
As I revisited
All those places of lust

He often listened
As I often listen
To the inner voices

He tore
As I tore
With raw anguish

We both have companions
True love by our sides
Yet still our ego’s battle on

He crashed
As I’ve crashed
Towards oblivion

He regained
As I’ve regained
Some of the senses

He laughed
As I’ve laughed
At himself

His search
As my search
Carries on

His doubts
As my doubts
Remain ever doubtful

We both have companions
True love by our sides
Yet still our ego’s battle on

She too, invisible but always apparent
Absent yet with the strongest presence
Driving but never driven, steering
Yet never to reappear

We both had lost lovers
Dystopia’s to re-enact
For which our ego’s battle on

———————————————————————
Inspired by
MAPA
directed by LEĂ“N SIMINIANI


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Wednesday 16 November 2016

What To Do

Pray rest for the restless
Say not what foundation stones to lay
Except that they lay them down themselves

Stay with the expression of good health
There in mind and body and soul
Be not afraid in dark times of stealth
For only without goodness shall we fall

Pray rest for the restless
Say softly “let them have their day
Except to take responsibility, in their own way

Stay with the hope of new found wealth
There in thoughts and dreams and role
Let them hold the cards they’re dealt
For only with chance might they stand tall

Pray peace for the peaceful
One day peacefulness may return to stay
Except knowing together we will share the way


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Tuesday 15 November 2016

Teller

To self deny
As in to self deceive
To hear the cry
Yet still to thieve

To balance all
As to balance naught
For proof to call
Should time be caught

To escape again
As in to escape right now
That elusive stain
Eludes daylight somehow

To self acclaim
As in love self promotes
Let time regain
Repeal forgotten anecdotes


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Monday 14 November 2016

Move Meant

Halfway remnants
Towards lost conversation
As if the penance
Saves me from the station
With the derailed trains
And the boats about to set sail

Half day quiet
Too early to pray
As if the deliberation
Staves off the delay
Ghosts move; loose, frail
Hopeless as the empty pail


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Sunday 13 November 2016

Stifled

Involuntarily out of action
Unable to remember
How to get out of the bath
Unable to work out
How to get up off the floor
Unable to determine
How to take the first steps
Down the staircase

A need for further analysis
Of this temporary, yet
Significant paralysis:
Fear of pain blocks action
That would cause pain
A link in the chain
That halts all domains

Voluntarily I seek to dispute:
Able to maneouvre
And rise from the water
Able to turn over
And push up from the floor
Able to find support
And tread ever so lightly


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Saturday 12 November 2016

Outliers

You wouldn’t know anymore
I hardly know myself
Hanging there
In the smoke-stream
Of the discotheque
Almost weightless, yet heavy
With memories and scents
Deities of the youthful life

There is movement, I recall
At least I remember
The lithesome gyrating bodies
In the half-light and sparkles
Of the warm pulsating dance floor
Your presence; immense yet distant
Beyond the first continuum
Deity of the useful life


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Friday 11 November 2016

In The Middle Of The Night

Grey steeds rage across the plains
Pickpockets of our disappointments
Railings, yew trees and headstones
Invite the pigeon noises to join me

That I would remember your body
Held tightly, carefully in my arms
That I would welcome the insecurity
Walk together, walking up to the tarn

The deserted dust of all our yesterdays
Pains of past and previous associations
Failings, times to displease, left alone
To invite the selfish poise to become

I sit here again as I have sat here before
It is one of my workday lunch retreats
Escaping as evermore, yet still unable
To be dark, or light, or anywhere at all

As if already I am forgetting, a few hours
Ago we held on to each other, possessing
Thus the ability, to shut out the doubts
Stronger together, stronger than one


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Thursday 10 November 2016

Inclusive

There warms
That heat of sun
There cools
That chill of breeze

All is, as all could be
Birds and buggies
Adults and children
Sculptures and trees

Always here
A certain stillness
With the birdsong’s
Chatter and conversation

Always here
A certain peace
With the easy way
And the endless means

There was that heat of sun
There was that chill of breeze
All was, as always could be
Shadows and clouds and
Light and reflection

The glass topped cabinets
Told a different kind of story
Of Land Art
Artists explaining away
Their own contemplations

This is not for everyone
As if to share
Another’s soul searching
Brings one too close
To ones own insecurities

It is the breeze
That brings me back to life
It is the dappled sunlight
On the water
And among the grasses

It is the sight of herons
Nesting and in flight
It is that good
Good Friday
Goodness abroad once again


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Wednesday 9 November 2016

If It Wasn't For The Stars

If it wasn’t for the stars
And the late night city bars
My guess is
We never would have made it

If it wasn’t for your faraway gaze
In the back seat of those old stingrays
My guess is
We never would have made it

Jeune fille from La Rochelle
You drove me close to, well
Let’s say I was driven
You talked, I listened
We faced into the breeze
Such times to be at ease

If it wasn’t for the stars
And the late night city bars
My guess is
We never would have made it

If it wasn’t for your faraway gaze
In the back seat of those old stingrays
My guess is
We never would have made it
My guess is
We never would have made it

Jeune femme from Bordeaux
Who danced away, heavenly so
I was laconic in your arms
My sonic boom raised no alarm
We faced the open seas
Yes I begged you, yes please

If it wasn’t for the stars
And the late night city bars
My guess is
We never would have made it

If it wasn’t for your faraway gaze
In the back seat of those old stingrays
My guess is
We never would have made it

Joven señora from Bilbao
Your conversation, never slow
Such inspired invitations
Beauty offered by deliberation
We strolled to the Guggenheim
With you close, I said pray be mine

If it wasn’t for the stars
And the late night city bars
My guess is
We never would have made it

If it wasn’t for your faraway gaze
In the back seat of those old stingrays
My guess is
We never would have made it


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Tuesday 8 November 2016

COTP

In the doorway
Down the hall
Great expectation
Of the call

Paint a picture
Of a hill
Take exception
Stand quite still

For the doorway
To the cill
Frames the picture
Of life distilled

Now you are home
Home at last
No more city life
No more living fast

Take your time
Take it slow
Find the line
In those you know

For the home
To the slow
Settles the sign
You began to show

In the country
On the moor
Beside the river
Refreshed, assured

Take your camera
Steady the shot
Gather the light
Believe what is not

For the country
To the crop
Serves the camera
Gives up the plot

Now you are someone
Youthful and creative
Testing yourself
Deeply investigative

Look far beyond
Yet closer too
Search for shelters
Which extrapolate you

For the someone
That's living too
Lays just beyond
Your innocent view


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Monday 7 November 2016

Tour

There is a corner
At the top of the hill
It heads on out
Towards the jet-stream

There is an escape lane, with
Police enforcement cameras
Here am I
Beneath a mist, that clings

To the sides of the valley
Where the river flows
Cold and clear and cold
And clear and rippling

Through glacial formations;
Ice-slides that fashioned
Plateaus, terraces, ravines,
And first rate accommodation


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Sunday 6 November 2016

The Slopes

Why go back
On this day of sun
Give your thoughts
Freedom to run

A walk in the park
Over shade of leaf
In that instant, all of
Life, listened beneath

The ringing stops
Silence enters the fray
Tis a wondrous thing
This peaceful day

I don’t know how
In the passage of time
These magical moments
Have occasion to chime

But so they do
And for that I smile
To think of my mother
And her grateful child


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Saturday 5 November 2016

Nero

I take the window seat
Why wouldn't I
It is the street
Distant, cold, and thin

To touch the soul
It is why I write
People watching;
Passing smiles, engaging grins

Years ago, years passed by
The class of two thousand and five
It was a way back to life
Drinking beer, and slipping gin

Van Morrison is on the radio
I remember the lyrics that I wrote
It was my own sat alone Scandinavia
Before the daily threat of insulin

Time to say, funny old life
Recognition of visited places
It is the treat
Instant, warm, let’s begin


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Friday 4 November 2016

Estrange

When there is no one
There you are
When there is nothing
Not even a thought
You silently enter

With the blueberries
From by the water
With the compliment
About my mother

He talked of indifference
As being between
Attachment and detachment
Which caught me out
Set me questioning

With the one
From the other
With the same
And the familiar

Between your attraction
And my distraction I see
The impermanence
Freed of all reason
Even disassociation

With the light
From the ether
With the search
For one another


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Thursday 3 November 2016

Grounds

I park in the same place
I have parked here since
Two thousand and seven

I can see the college dome
Where we went for coffee
Sometime around eleven

Behind me the wine bar
They opened their doors
On the day I was leaving

Beside hopes and dreams
We cleared out a space
To endow the grieving

I might tell of winter
Mornings, of catching
New light at the dawn

Specify all the reasons
That make these lives
We live our very own

Ahead of me now stand
The railings, prescribed
In, and as, circular motion
Names of not so famous
War heroes, who gave and lost
Their life, without a notion

Of the purpose of dying so
Cheaply, whereas I remember
To try and love you so deeply


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Wednesday 2 November 2016

No-Flap Jack

Not a seat in the house
Sat instead, in the small café
Eating what I shouldn’t eat
Although it is laced with ginger

The gold mine, for that is what it is
This first fine Saturday of summer
A first day, and also a last day, for today
Ends my Vipassana meditation course

Twelve weeks of transportation
Inspiration and motivation
Eighty four days of waking
With a chosen purpose

And to conclude, in the luxury
Of endearing choiceless awareness
The more I am aware the more
Difficult I find it to be surprised

Yet I know that that pleasure
It is just around the corner


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Tuesday 1 November 2016

Weak Of A Kind

You saw something you didn’t care for
A trait that you thought demonstrated weakness
And I guess that once you had made the discovery
I became an irritable itch to scratch

I should have been less weak
I should not have shouted
And after half a life
I should have learnt a lesson

You saw something you cared for
A trait that you thought demonstrated kindness
And I guess once you had made that discovery
I became a holistic soul mate to support

I should have been more kind
I should not have demeaned you
And after the last few months
I should be more than grateful


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